What Never Was
by nitrocide
Summary: Levi had an abusive Father, grew up in the criminal underground, and forgot what hope was, even though he inspired it in so many others. Levi touched the lives of thousands of people with his bravery and selflessness, but there is one he couldn't help. This is the story of Levi Ackerman and the one that could not be saved


Levi was a strong man, a wise man, a loved man. He had his own team, he was the best of the scout regiment and a strong leader for all. People looked at him and saw hope: If Levi could kill an army of titans single-handedly, then maybe humanity had a chance, but Levi had no hope.

Everyone knew Levi came from a troubled past in the criminal underground, but no one knew Levi like I did. When we were kids, our adopted father would yell and scream at him until he could barely stand, beat him until he could barely move, and strangle him until he could barely breath. So much anger, so much pain, he didn't know how to deal with it, so he let it out on my brother. I should have done something, I should have stood up to him, told him to stop, but I just sat there, tears rolling down my eyes as Levi took lash after lash from my Father's belt.

Eventually, the belt went away and so did my Father, but Levi was never the same. He stopped talking, started looking more. Everywhere he went, he saw enemies, even in me, but I stuck by him. I couldn't let him be alone.

Once Dad left, Levi and I got involved with some bad people. Smugglers, dealers, thieves, Levi became one of them. He started with low-level dealing, weapons mostly, stolen goods, but that wasn't enough. He wanted to get back for what our Father did to him.

He did well. He had a network of thieves, prostitutes, dealers, and smugglers of every kind, but he was still not happy. He tried filling the void our Father left in him with sex, drugs, and even violence, but what he really needed was love.

Once the government found out about him and his unique talents, they took him, and me, and trained us into soldiers of the scout regiment, the most dangerous of any posts. At my request, they put us in the same squad so I could watch out for him, but he didn't need me.

Levi needed nobody. He was the strongest, the fastest, the most skilled. Fueled by his hate, he killed more titans than everyone else combined. The stronger the foe, the stronger he grew to face it. He was brave, the bravest man I'd ever seen. He once forced himself down a titan's throat to save me. Would anyone else have been able to pull that off?

But now that same life he saved for me all those years ago is once again heading to the void. As I hold the knife above my wrists, I can't help but cry thinking of him, my beloved brother. I couldn't help him when I should have. He was so alone, so desperate. He cried out for me, "sister, help me!" but I couldn't face up to it. I had the strength, I had the power, but I lacked the courage to use it.

I hold the picture of Levi in one hand, the blade quivering in the other. Never again will I fail anyone. Never again will I make Levi remember what he went through all those years ago.

I let out a gasp, tears falling down my cheeks. I won't let him be hurt by me again.

I press the knife to my skin, savoring its cold surface. I push down and slide it across my wrist, letting the pain wash over me in a wave. I switch the blade and picture before cutting open the other wrist. This time, I let out a small cry of pain. Blood poured out of the incisions, pooling on the floor and soaking my knees.

I cry openly now, letting each sob grow louder until I'm sure the whole barracks can hear me.

"Levi," I cry, "forgive me."

Levi was there. He broke down the door and is holding me in his arms and the life drains out of me. He holds my head up, looking at me with his big, brown eyes. I love him, and I know he feels the same, but it is too late now. Most of my blood is already on the floor.

"I'm sorry," I whisper as the room fades away.

"It's not your fault. I forgave you long ago."

Tears pour out of my eyes, but I can feel myself slipping.

"I love you."

"I love you too. I always have," he says as his tears mix with my own. "Goodbye, Petra."

He plants a kiss on my lips as everything fades to black.


End file.
